This is my first blog. I created this blog because a combination of recent events have got me thinking on a whole new level. It may not be what people want to read, but it's what i want to write. So here goes...
I recently got out of a one week relationship ( if you could even call it that.) But it left me with questions i couldn't seem to answer. The relationship itself was pointless; text messages back and forth, the occasional late night meetings and a whole lot of drama. Is that what a relationship has come to? text messaging back and forth? sure it's easy but it puts thing on such an impersonal level. How can you hear the sound of a persons laugh when all you hear is the sound of your ringtone, letting you know that the person has responded to your small assortment of letters. Now that i think about it, i couldn't tell you what her laugh sounded like, not even if my life depended on it.
When it was first made official I had a certain euphoria; that i was wanted and the thought of companionship filled my brain waves. So as it started out, I told her what she wanted to hear and made her believe that i was more involved than i actually was. I made a fantasy of the relationship, like the fake love you see in movies all the time. It's the relationship that we are all conditioned into, the happily ever after sort of thing. I made the excuse " I'm a hopeless romantic." It makes me smile to see what a fool I am.
But for every action there's an equal and opposite reaction, and things went sour about a week after I put on this act. But how would this great catastrophe end? It started out with complete with drawl, no answer and no call back. That's not how it ends, only how it starts to end. The final blow that put this washed up boxer on his back was through.... an email. It's perfect, something that even the worst writers in Hollywood couldn't come up with.
I should have felt despair from being rejected. I should have felt lonely, but instead I felt disappointed that my charade couldn't last. Her exact words "i think you were looking for some deep relationship that I'm not ready for, i got scared." The irony kills me. Here i am putting on this magnificent show and she goes and ends it just like that. What a bitch.
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2 comments:
yo bro.
very insightful.
i've been thinking on the same plane as this for a while now. even though i rely on texting as my main source of communication, i still question the impersonality of the whole concept.
we can sit here behind a computer screen or a cell phone and be whoever we wanna be, but we're left as shadows of the ideal form when we return to the real world of real life community and relationships.
keep writing, the world has a right to know what you have to say.
-JL
Interesting.... Get out and do things together. A keyboard is not a companion unless you are a writer.
Seems like you are missing something bigger in your life if you spend that much thought and time on your phone and computer. Using those devices makes our lives easier but at the end of the day it will never replace the physical aspects of a relationship we need. The smiles, laughs, looks and .... Although to much intimacy in the begining can ruin a long term meaningful relationship so be careful and enjoy the small things.
Good Luck Cadillac hope you find what you are looking for someday.
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