friend or foe?

it was a Thursday night. The night began with will smith. She picked me up around seven and our movie started at eight thirty, giving us plenty of time to mingle before the movie started. We exchanged a few laughs and i decided to spend my last three dollars on a soda. as i made my way back to our seat i caught the eyes of a few gents. i couldn't blame them, sometimes i catch myself staring. she looks so different now that three years have passed.

i remember her back then, the quiet girl at the front of the bus; who somehow caught my attention every morning and every afternoon. i remember playing basketball down the street. i don't even like playing basketball it was only an excuse to spend time with her. most of all, i remember the thought of her that kept me up at night. its funny how three years have passed and that feeling comes right back as if it was never gone.

anyways, the movie, "hancock," was alright. it was about a less than perfect superhero struggling to be appreciated. theres also a love story. hancock was drawn to his counterpart by a mysterious force. when they were together their powers were lost. you can see where this is going... stay together and die or be separated to maintain their superpowers. i wont spoil the ending.

so the movie's over and we go back to her place with every intention of being friends. i fight back the urge to make a move, i dont want to ruin what we have like i have in the past. we decide to get some rum. i make a call and before you know it we're back at her place with sailor jerry and a two liter of coke. then she asks me "do you wanna see something funny?"

we go to her room, decorated with spongebob posters. she takes out a shoe box full of notes. we started reading notes she had received from some of her ex boyfriends. it was quite amusing until i laid eyes on three notes, all with big looping letters reading "john." she hands me them and i couldn't help but laugh out of awkwardness. my brain couldn't quite process what i was reading, it was the feelings that she had for me from almost three years ago. right there in pink letters. but i held it in and asked "what else you got?"

we go to her nightstand and she pulls out a diary. i thought this must be something good so i opened it up and let my eyes go to work. i felt a lump in the back of my throat when i realized the page i was reading was about me. i turned the page again and again. every fucking page was about me. i never knew she felt this way about me, if i had only made this discovery three years ago. i told her that and then i went to use the restroom. i didn't have to use the restroom at all.

i stood there thinking this is heavy. why was i so stupid? why was she even showing me this? then a flashback to prom. the night that i broke her heart... the night i cant let go. shit. this wasn't supposed to happen. i downed my drink and it almost came back up... i had made it a little stronger than i remembered. we start talking about feelings from the past, sitting on her couch when her brother and sister arrived. so our feelings were put on hold, i could hear the elevator music playing. it came time to call it a night. we laid on the floor of her room and the music cut off. she asked me "why do we do this? we go off and on." she was right and i don't know why.

i laid there with her in my arms. her smell was captivating, just strong enough to drown out the sailor jerry. i felt warm, not from the spongebob blanket or the rum, but from her. her hair felt like silk. i thought she was asleep as i stared into eyelashes. she opened her eyes and her lips felt mine. we had never kissed like this before... the walls i had put up came crumbling down.

when two people get close enough they become a combination of best friends and worst enemies. friends because you can share anything with one another. enemies because they have the power to hurt you more than anything or anyone else. i had hurt her before, but she came back to me. now i cant help but think there's more between us than i had ever imagined. once i heard "those who ignore the past are doomed to relive it." i may not be able to take away the pain i caused in the past, but i may create a better future =]